A recent conversation with scarletdemon
has revealed something terrifying about her. The sort of thing that makes me think that maybe I'll start issuing questionnaires and intelligence tests to prospective girlfriends in future1
. The sort of stupidity so astounding that at first I thought she really had
to be joking.
The sort of thing that made me want to rip the piss out of her mercilessly and publically for the rest of her life once I realised she was in fact totally sincere.
Most of you have - I fucking hope
- noticed the horrific spelling mistake in the title of this post. You'll have noticed that 'lengthly' isn't a real word, and is the sort of thing a tiny child, or perhaps a foreigner just coming to grips with the English language, would come up with as an attempt at communication.
(Although really it would have to be a very
tiny child; like a premature baby, or a very
foreign person; like someone raised in the depths of the Amazonian rainforest with no previous experience of Western culture or linguistics, who failed to notice the atrocious mess 'lengthly' would make of English grammar)
Or you'd have to be Scarlet. Now you might be forgiven for thinking that she simply made a typographical error in a recent post, and I am drawing undue attention to it. This, however, is not the case.
No - she not only typed out "[...] the lengthly
explanation [...]", but then proceeded to insist
that the abomination she'd created was in fact a real word, and that 'lengthy' "sounds like something a baby would say" - even when confronted with several dictionaries.
I think Scarlet is finally starting
to come to terms with reality, at last (several days later) - although at the moment she's still hoping that she'll wake up to discover that the whole thing has been a dream (and that 'lengthly' is a real word). This separation from reality isn't helped by the sheer number of people who can't spell on the internet, so that Google returns far too many results for 'lengthly' than is entirely sensible for a non-word.
You see, this entry doesn't (just) serve to further embarrass her by publically highlighting a mistake she's been making for fifty years - really I'm just trying to cure her here, in the interests of science. Any amusement I may derive from writing this is purely coincidental and not to be taken into consideration.
In order to help her retain her slender grip on reality, answer the following unbiased poll so I can
wave the results in her stupid face
properly explain the error she has been making.
Is 'lengthly' a real word?
No, of course it isn't. What kind of fool could possibly think it was?
Yes. I am an idiot.
(Oh, and if you're up for some public humiliation of your own, feel free to point out any longstanding spelling mistakes, pronunciation errors etc. that you've been making, so that we can all
have a good laugh at your expense
increase our understanding of this important issue, in the interests of science)1Let's hope she doesn't read too much into that bit.